Bucket List.....

Visit as many of the wonders of the world as I can ( I have seen the Grand Canyon many times, and I have been to Stone Henge so far)
Do Humanitarian work in either Africa or South America
See stem cell therapy become approved treatment for children (any adults) with Cerebral Palsy
Parent a child(ren) (through adoption) that may not otherwise had the oportunity to have a forever family.
Play the bagpipes
Have a honeymoon
Build a house on our land
See my son outlive anything the doctors could have predicted
Get my degree, either in nursing or special ed
Push my grandchildren through Hyde Park in a 1967 Wilson high coach pram
Be to the point where we are completely self sufficient (other than Ethan's ongoing medical needs)
Spend a whole day where I don't have to worry about anything or anyone, maybe relaxing in the hammock and read a book uninterrupted.

Special Angel Girls, Special Angel Boys....

So I was very motivated this morning....I got up from infront of the computer and washed the dishes and started working on getting the kitchen tidy'd so that when Nancy comes today, she can focus on the rest of the house rather than the kitchen sucking up all her time....also I wanted to have a clean place on the kitchen table to set up my sewing machine and get a few projects done.

THEN...

I decided that I would just check my email because I am having a problem with a litter of rabbits which I would really like to get solved ASAP, then I noticed something was wrong with my blog feed on facebook....then I found another blog....a blog about special needs adoption, something my husband and I have been working on. But this one had a photolisting for kids with Down's....oh how I would love to bring all of them home. As it happens, my husband would like to focus on children with CP like our oldest son, but I have such a soft spot in my heart for these sweet little kids. Not to mention that they were all international adoptions, and I have next to nothing to spend on an adoption. I have a big heart, but a tiny pocket book like so many in these difficult economic times....and without subsidies, an international adoption would be impossible. I guess I just need to push forward with our current plan and finish our homestudy for a special needs fost/adopt right here....but if I won the lottery (pretty impossible as I don't play) I would be bringing home atleast three or four of those sweet faces home to be a part of our family.

I guess I had better get back to what I was doing :-(

Dear Heavenly Father....

.....You done good!

Blessings....

Nesting....

No, I am not necessarily talking about that period of time when you clean like mad just before giving birth.....nor am I talking about rabbits. I am talking about that perpetual need to nurture and the pursuit of being “the perfect parent”....which by the way is a pretty UNREALISTIC goal. But for me it is a kind of madness, stemming from a broken childhood riddled with difficulties, a way of healing my own scares by providing them with the love and nurturing I still feel I was shorted when I was growing up. But I love my children with such intensity I can not contain it inside of me, and I find that I love them more and more each day. I have worked VERY hard on open communication, something that was crucial for me, and also very difficult because I DID NOT have this when I was a child and it damaged me....finding someone I could actually talk to was key in finding a companion I could spend the rest of my life with....and something I have found in precious few individuals....less than I can count on one hand in fact! I did not want my children to feel silenced like I did....and they don't, we talk about everything, and I hope they never stop. The other mania in my life is that I MUST NOT EVER forget one of my children, I never want them to feel alone, or invisible, or like they don't matter. This would just be the end of me, reminding me that though I seem strong, and feel safe that I am ever so vulnerable.....and it doesn't help that I am a bit absent minded and that I am not very focused most of the time. Sometimes I look back at my own life growing up, and I feel like the baby rabbit that was born on the wire floor of the cage instead of that warm and cozy nest surrounded by the safety and security of my family.....and I have made my whole environment around me that nest so that one of my babies could not possibly even find their way to that cold harsh place. Thank goodness for fathers...because I am so aware of our need in our family for that balance....I am just so frightened of falling short in some way because they are my life now, the life I have chosen for myself.....so I pluck my own fur and discard my own discomforts to make sure this environment is ideal for raising happy and healthy children the best way I know how....and while I know I fall short in so many ways I have every faith that there is always someone there making up for what I am not able to do and I thank you for that, this was never meant to be a job for just one....

Forgotten Child....

Innocence lost
Never remembered
Vulnerable but hard as stone
Insecurity masked
Self reliant by necessity
Artistic by divine calling
Black sheep
Lost
Ever searching for a way back

An end to a very successful breeding season...

Three out of the four litters due today have arrived....Without taking all babies out of nest boxes for a final count we have litters of 7, 6 and 5...just waiting for Georgia to deliver her second litter for this breeding season to get our final baby count. We started off 12/31 with a litter of 8 netherland/holland cross, 1/1 with 6 Thriantas. Mid January we had two litters of Lionheads 4 and 4 as well as 4 angora cross. Early this month our other Thrianta Brigid had a litter of 9 and has 8 surviving kits. This past Friday there were 11 Netherland/Holland crosses born so that makes the count for this year to 66 plus whatever we find in Georgia's nest box tomorrow or Wednesday! We are going through food about four times as fast as usual right now....so glad it only lasts for a few months each year!