Ashes....

I have always been a firm believer that it takes a community to raise a child....there is simply now way in our day and age for any set of parents to have all the life experiences to be equipped to handle everything that our children will come in contact with and experience....and in these times we can often feel alone and confused, and perhaps even feel like we are out of our own minds, when actually we are not. With technology and our current situation in the world I find, as have many others, that our children are exposed to far more and at a younger age than we ourselves were exposed or encountered similar situations, therefore, we find ourselves at a loss when things do not go as we, as parents, have planned and we find ourselves in uncharted territory.....but all is not lost. I am so glad that I was able to help a friend today understand the feelings of her own child, who she was struggling to understand through the "ashes" of my own childhood, or adolescence to be exact. I call them "ashes" because they are burning feelings that had at that time in my life and they worked themselves out and cooled and are now are gone. And I am so glad that I was able to do this, because he simply is a delightful young man, who probably has difficulty even understanding what he himself is feeling, and therefore has difficulty expressing his thoughts appropriately, and acts out because of this....I know that anger, I went through a similar situation when I was about the same age....and I said the same things he did to his mom and acted in much the same way. I wonder if my mom felt as crazy and helpless as his mom did as I know that my mom probably had no one that had gone through the same thing that could help her understand what I was feeling, even though I couldn't even explain why I felt the way I did in that situation. As parents, we all know that there is no "manual" that can tell us how to fix everything, why our kids do and act the way they do. It doesn't help that every child and every set of circumstances is different either....but it does help to know that we are not alone and that what our children are feeling, and expressing is normal and we "are not nuts". We are not drowning, we just need a little help and encouragement, a little bolster or life-vest in this vast dark ocean that can go from calm to tempest in the blink of an eye.

My Treasures....

My sweet children....
My greatest delight
My love for you has only grown
from the moment you were born
I love your each discovery
Your amazement and wonder
Even when you are naughty
When I have to correct you, and guide you to where you should be
With each new stage my heart grows to accommodate
As my love for you expands
You are my diamonds
More precious than any gem
You are my every treasure I could hope for
and more.....

I want *MY* computer back....

As much as I have appreciated having this computer to use....I want MY computer back....you know the one that has my photo editing software, and all the other programs I use that are NOT on this computer.....so MISTER BRIGHT, if you are reading this, AND you do not have time to work on my computer.....please tell me what I need to do so I can fix it so I can post updates to my website and edit all these beautiful pictures I have taken with my new camera....so I can personalize my blog so it is *pretty* rather than boring....where I don't have to worry about you unplugging things I use and taking the hub (or what ever it is called) to work and not bringing it back for days or weeks or months.....I *know* my computer is old, but I like it, and I like how my old programs work and I am used to them and I don't want to learn how to use new ones....PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!

Excruciating.....

I have NO idea what I could possibly have done to my back....other than lifting Ethan in and out of his wheelchair and in and out of bed. When we got back from the Highland Games on Saturday my back was a little achy....on SUNDAY....I couldn't even really get out of bed and I think staying in bed was probably not the right thing to do either. Well I had the brilliant idea yesterday that all my back needed was a nice long walk....WRONG! After a LONG walk (which I am really glad I at least got Chloe out of the house and let her play at the park a little) I was crippled....Tylenol was not even touching the pain even while alternating hot and cold packs so by the time Terry got home I desperately needed to take a vicodin..... which I never take pain meds for anything, but was glad I still had some from my ruptured cyst. It only took about 4 more hours of pain after that before my back muscles started to relax a bit and then I was able to get and ok night of sleep, and I am a TINY bit better this morning, but am afraid to do much of anything even though I KNOW sitting can't be good for my back either! I need some distraction.....

Bucket List.....

Visit as many of the wonders of the world as I can ( I have seen the Grand Canyon many times, and I have been to Stone Henge so far)
Do Humanitarian work in either Africa or South America
See stem cell therapy become approved treatment for children (any adults) with Cerebral Palsy
Parent a child(ren) (through adoption) that may not otherwise had the oportunity to have a forever family.
Play the bagpipes
Have a honeymoon
Build a house on our land
See my son outlive anything the doctors could have predicted
Get my degree, either in nursing or special ed
Push my grandchildren through Hyde Park in a 1967 Wilson high coach pram
Be to the point where we are completely self sufficient (other than Ethan's ongoing medical needs)
Spend a whole day where I don't have to worry about anything or anyone, maybe relaxing in the hammock and read a book uninterrupted.

Special Angel Girls, Special Angel Boys....

So I was very motivated this morning....I got up from infront of the computer and washed the dishes and started working on getting the kitchen tidy'd so that when Nancy comes today, she can focus on the rest of the house rather than the kitchen sucking up all her time....also I wanted to have a clean place on the kitchen table to set up my sewing machine and get a few projects done.

THEN...

I decided that I would just check my email because I am having a problem with a litter of rabbits which I would really like to get solved ASAP, then I noticed something was wrong with my blog feed on facebook....then I found another blog....a blog about special needs adoption, something my husband and I have been working on. But this one had a photolisting for kids with Down's....oh how I would love to bring all of them home. As it happens, my husband would like to focus on children with CP like our oldest son, but I have such a soft spot in my heart for these sweet little kids. Not to mention that they were all international adoptions, and I have next to nothing to spend on an adoption. I have a big heart, but a tiny pocket book like so many in these difficult economic times....and without subsidies, an international adoption would be impossible. I guess I just need to push forward with our current plan and finish our homestudy for a special needs fost/adopt right here....but if I won the lottery (pretty impossible as I don't play) I would be bringing home atleast three or four of those sweet faces home to be a part of our family.

I guess I had better get back to what I was doing :-(

Dear Heavenly Father....

.....You done good!