A thought for Wednesday

Music is vital to my soul....I need it like air to breathe....silence is suffocating.

A mom is only as happy....

....as her saddest child....this makes me one unhappy mom today.

I really need to figure out what is going on with Helen.

I worry about her distraction, her acting out, I worry about how I am dealing with it. I worry about how it is effecting our other kids.....I worry that it is because she feels neglected because of everything we have to do for Ethan. I worry that she resents me. I hope that I can be sensitive to her needs with out being accepting of the behaviors that are not helping our family. I hope that she doesn't always think I am a bad mom. I hope that she will still talk to me even when things get even harder as she gets older. I hope that I can always be the mother and friend that she needs me to be.

My heart is full, with both joy and sorrow for this precious child, who I know must be needing me now more than ever, who is acting out to get my attention. I hope that I will have the inspiration and wisdom to respond the way she needs me to, whether she knows it or not, appreciates it or not, respects me or not, and the strength to accept that she will make her own choices and that her choices are hers alone and that I have taught her what is right and good and that she will remember who she is and that she will feel of my love, even if she doesn't get the answer she wants.

♥L♥O♥V♥E♥

Creating through art has always been bitter sweet....here is one of the sweetest moments....

My newest 11 inch hand sculpted baby, finished today. I rarely fall in love with one of my creations, but this one I am head over heals in love, perhaps because he looks a lot like my Mark did as a newborn...which is the reason I have named him Mark.

Counting Blessings....

1. I am blessed to know that I am a beloved spirit daughter of Heavenly Parents....and they will always be there for me.
2. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, who I chose, and still would choose, who loves me, understands me, and tolerates me.
3. I am blessed to have a son with incredible struggles, because with those incredible struggles comes incredible strength and courage.
4. I am blessed to have a daughter who is caring and loving, who will always put her arms around me when I need it.
5. I am blessed with a son with incredible imagination and creativity, who's quiet reflection is so dear to my heart.
6. I am blessed to have a daughter with and incredible zest for life, with a sense of humor that will always make me laugh, and who keeps me on my toes.
7. I am blessed with a home, that keeps us safe, and warm, and a place where we can be together as a family and share our lives with each other.
8. I am blessed with artistic talents, to give me an outlet, and a way to contribute to our family while being at home raising our children.
9. I am thankful for good food, for knowing how to prepare it, for a husband who can prepare it when I am not up to it, and the sensibility to enjoy it.
10. I am thankful for good friends, who I can turn to, who give me added opportunities to serve and who give me perspective that I might not otherwise have had.

Acorn Swaddle Sac and Cap knitting pattern

Swaddle Sac and Acorn Cap



Needles show in size 7 circular, four double point needles(various size needles from size 5-10 can be used depending on size desired and to accommodate bulkier or finer yarn) can also be don on straight needles with a seam.

Yarn: Approximately 1 skein (5-7 ounces) worsted weight yarn shown in ecospun plus 1 skein (less than 3 ounces) of light bulky weight yarn (shown in Bernat Alpaca Natural Blends) for acorn hat

Swaddle Sac

Cast on 60 stitches (worsted weight yarn) place marker to mark the beginning of the round (continue moving it to beginning of next round) knit rounds (stockinette stitch) until “tube” measures approximately 16 inches.

Decreasing round: (k 8, k 2 together) to end of round
K 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 7, k 2 together) to end of round
K 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 6, k 2 together) to end of round
K 1 round (switch to four needled when it is to tight/difficult to continue on circular needles)
Decreasing round: (k 5, k 2 together) to end of round
K 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 4, k 2 together) to end of round
K 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 3, k 2 together) to end of round
K 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 2, k 2 together) to end of round
K 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 1, k 2 together) to end of round
K 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 2 together) to end of round (6 stitches left)
K 1 round
thread a length of yarn through remaining stitches and pull tightly together, tie off and weave in ends.

Acorn Cap

Cast on 40 stitches (worsted weight yarn) place marker to mark the beginning of the round (continue moving it to beginning of next round) knit rounds (stockinette stitch) until “tube” measures approximately 4 inches. At beginning of next round switch to the thicker yarn and knit in garter (in the round this is k one round p one round) increasing (Kfb = knit in front and back of st)on the 10th, 20th, 30th and 40th stitch (44 stitches), purl next round, next round increasing (Kfb = knit in front and back of st)on the 11th, 22th, 33th and 44th stitch (48 stitches), purl next round. Continue garter pattern for 4 more rounds.
Decreasing round: (k 6, k 2 together) to end of round
P 1 round (switch to four needled when it is to tight/difficult to continue on circular needles)
Decreasing round: (k 5, k 2 together) to end of round
P 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 4, k 2 together) to end of round
P 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 3, k 2 together) to end of round
P 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 2, k 2 together) to end of round
P 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 1, k 2 together) to end of round
P 1 round
Decreasing round: (k 2 together) to end of round (6 stitches left)
P1 round
Decreasing round: (k 2 together) to end of round (3 stitches left) transfer all stitches to 1 needle and continue by making an I-cord (Slide stitches to opposite side of needle. The yarn should be coming out of the left stitch. Pull the yarn from behind. *K3. Slide stitches across needle.) Repeat from * until cord is about 1 inches, bind off and weave in loose ends.

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT PEOPLE ARE TAKING THIS PATTERN AND SELLING IT FOR PROFIT. THIS PATTERN WAS POSTED FOR FREE ONLY FOR PERSONAL AND CHARITABLE INTENTIONS. I WORK LONG AND HARD ON EACH OF MY PATTERNS AND ONLY ASK DONATIONS FOR THEIR USE AND THESE DONATIONS ARE USED TO RAISE FUNDS FOR OUR ADOPTION OF A SEVERELY DISABLED CHILD. BY USING THIS PATTERN FOR OTHER THAN WHAT IT WAS INTENDED OR STEALING MY WORK AND SELLING IT AS YOUR OWN YOU ARE ROBBING A CHILD AT HIS CHANCE OF A HOME AND LOVING FAMILY. IN ADDITION, IT MAKES ME HESITANT TO POST FURTHER FREE PATTERNS.

Changes....

The kids all had a slumber party last night in Ethan's bed and are now, very loudly playing in his room behind closed doors, leaving me to peace for the morning. Yesterday brought about a subtle but big change for Ethan....he took a shower and enjoyed it. Up until now he protested loudly about showers and we are not sure if they were uncomfortable for him for some reason, he did not like water spraying in his face, or if he was afraid or didn't feel safe in them....plus he really loved being in the bath. A little over a year ago we had a huge battle with the courts/attorney/case manager who love to butt in and tell us how to raise our child, and think they have the right simply because Ethan has a bit of money awarded to him for his birth injury. They wanted us to spend a huge chunk of it on remodel of parts of our home that would give Ethan his own bathroom with a roll in shower, which at the time was completely unreasonable as he refused to take showers and he was still plenty small enough for us to carry him in to the bathtub, etc. Well now that things are changing, Ethan is maturing, not to mention that for the first time in his life he has had significant growth, gaining over 15 pounds in the last 12 months, it is time to re-think how we need to move forward....the timing is bad with the economy and job market as they are(without security) but in all honesty, with Ethan, for us it has always been the here and now, because we don't know how long he will be here with us, we hope a long time, and who knows with his disposition and zest for life it very well could be, but statistics paint a picture where we need to enjoy every day we have, because time is limited. I have to remember to live every day to the fullest, because tomorrow is uncertain....truly it is that way for everyone, but having a child like Ethan just gives it more meaning. Be happy, share with others and give it your all while you have your all to give ;-)

Humbled....

Sometimes we get so carried away with the trials in our own lives that we fail to recognise the sruggles endured by others. It is times like these that we need to remember to look beyond ourselves, for in giving comfort to others in their struggles we receive comfort in our own.

It has been a particularly annoying week....tired from our vacation, and chores building up as we try to get back to our regular routine, I find the battery on my van is dead, a victim of our intense summer heat....to busy is our schedule to take it in for repair at the immediate moment, my husband and I agree to share the car. I drove him in to work and then, due to some issues I was having with back pain, I take the children to the mall for a nice long walk which usually does the trick to sooth my back ache and it is nicely air conditioned, even though the kids would have prefered a park....not for me when it is 110+ outside! After a couple hours we make our way home, we are in an accident as a boy makes a left turn right into my fromt end in our only working vehicle. Lucky, the kids are ok....I am sore but with out major injury, but the car incured $6000.00 worth of damage from an uninsured driver.

We had planned to get our very delayed accounting done that evening, and now time was sucked up with talking to our insurance company, getting the car in for repair and getting a rental car to get us by until both our vehicles are operating again....and I am in pain, my shoulder, my neck, and my pelvis causing me quite a bit of discomfort. Needless to say, it did not get done, adding to our growing to do list. Other conserns arise as we get a call from the neurosurgeon to schdule Ethan's intrathecal baclofen trial in two weeks, he will be spending a week in the ICU, and now I need to get his hospital gowns done ASAP.....

STOP!

Need time to breath, slow down, relax. I know it was overwhelming and it was, still is hard to take in, hard to be pulled in so many directions. I needed so very much the lessons and testimonies I heard in church today, to bring it all into perspective. To remind me that we are all going through our own struggles and we are all being pushed to our own limits and that the only way we are going to get through this is to let go, put our faith in him, hold each other up, support each other and through serving others we will find the stregth to get through what we are dealing with. Today of all days we remember and celebrate FREEDOM, and there was a lot that went in to getting that freedom and those rights....people had struggles that I can not even comprehend being able to survive, and yet they endured faithfully.....and for them I am greatful, and humbled....my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.